OK. This is going to be a long one, because some of the decisions I made, were for certain reasons that I will not go into here.
I went on a LONG journey, to find love, find purpose, a JOB, and in the end, myself. Still haven't found any of those... My trip started with this woman I had met online, on FaceBook. I had known her for about a year or so, and we had been poking each other back and forth on occasion, until I finally decided to send her a message, and see if she wanted get to know each other. We started chatting online for a while, then we exchanged phone numbers, and after her and I talked for a while, we found that we had a lot of the same interests, and were both attracted to each other. SO, her & I decided that maybe we should meet up, and if things worked out, I might possibly stay with her in her state. She lived only about 3-4 hours away, so it wasn't too difficult to meet her, at least once. We had planned on me getting up there, finding a job, and getting all kinds of help that I needed for many different things. After I arrived up there, red flags kept popping up all over the place, like her telling me about something she had done for revenge to her ex-husband, before they went for the divorce... I am kinda glad I didn't stay up there long enough for her to do anything to me...
After a few days of me being up there with her, an ex-girlfriend of mine, one that has had my heart for a very long time, who I had blocked from all my accounts on FB so that I could TRY to get over her, posted a message on the main feed, and I had a ton of messages from people I knew well & others I had never heard from before, telling me that she was trying desperately to reach me. All this, while I am up there with my new girlfriend. No, my ex had not left my mind, I thought about her every day, even when I received the message concerning her trying to reach me, while I was with my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend. I sorry, but if I am with someone, and I have someone else on my mind as much as I did my ex, I just can't be true to the relationship. It's not fair to the new girlfriend.
When I unblocked my ex from my accounts, and sent her a message asking her what was going on, she told me she missed me, she loved me, and she wanted to be with me. COME ON!!! How am I SUPPOSED to handle that?!?! I mean, this ex, she was one that I TRULY FELT that her and I would be together FOREVER. you don't get that feeling with just anyone, you know. What did I do? I told my ex, that I loved her and missed her as well, and always thought about her. Then I told my current girlfriend that I couldn't be with her, because someone else still has my heart, meaning I couldn't be true to her... She didn't like that decision AT ALL. Instead of letting us sleep, she wanted me OUT before the next morning. So, I had a friend of mine send me some money, I packed my things up, and I took off to head back home, and repack my things for a trip to another state. Mind you, before I had left the current girlfriend's place, I had asked the ex if this is something she TRULY wanted, and she replied YES. Even when I made it home, and called her to let her know I was on my way up there to be with her, I asked her again, if she was SURE she was ready for this; no more games, no more lies, no more running into the arms of some other dude on FB whenever we had an argument. She said yes. I begged her to PLEASE not break my heart again. I just couldn't take that again. She had crushed my heart before, and I just couldn't bear to have it destroyed yet again. After she told me she loved me and wanted to be with me, by phone, so I heard it in her voice, I packed up all I could fit in my truck, and started driving to her state. I begged, borrowed, and pleaded with SO many people to get up there to be with her, it was unreal. I drove for hours on end to get to her, so I could see her again, feel her close to me, hold her hands, and hug her tightly. all of this, was everything I had ever dreamed about, and it SEEMED at the time, to be coming true...
When I finally arrived at my ex's place, after driving hundreds of miles to get there, with only about three hours of sleep over 48 hours, we hugged each other so tightly, and I whispered into her ear, PLEASE don't let me go again. I dropped EVERYTHING in my life, to be with her, to help her, to support her in any way possible... But that didn't exactly turn out the way I had hoped, either...
The next day after I had arrived, my ex-now gf receives a visit from a county employee for a mandated visit to the premises. Things didn't go well with that visit. Now, my gf-again begins to freak out, because of something she was told in this visit, that cold have a major impact on her life up there. I agree, it IS a really bad situation, but do you push the one that went there to BE supportive of you and do everything they can for you away?? She did. Very hard as well... She told me she loved me, but her actions were speaking WAY louder than what she was saying, and what she was doing was the complete opposite of what she was telling me when she said she loved me. I didn't know what to do, was afraid to say anything, because anything I said was shot down before it even left my lips... so I shut down, and was just there, trying to help out when I could, if she asked. I offered my help often, and tried to do many things without asking, but she didn't want me to do anything, but find a way back home. I tried to raise funds, with no luck, so she had to raise the funds on her own, to get me home.
She raised the money to get me home, and I packed my things up, we said our goodbyes, and I left before the two oldest children returned home. On my way out of her state, I was passing thru another state that I knew a good friend of mine was living in, and I messaged him to let him know I was in his state, and wondered if he wanted to meet up, seeing as how I was passing thru anyway, I didn't see any harm in it. Besides, there was a chance of me landing a job when I got there.
When I arrived in his little village, I was so in love with it, I wished a job was there for me when I got there, It was PERFECT!! Small, quiet, surrounded by mountains, great friends there. I had a room waiting for me when I arrived in this little village, and I set my things up in my room, took a shower, went downstairs to the bar and ordered a FINE meal, and just enjoyed the atmosphere there. I loved it so much, I DO wish I could go back there. after my friend & I met up later that night, and drank ourselves silly & whooped the tar out of each other playing pool, he staggered home and passed out, while I went up to my room, jumped online to check a few things, and passed out myself. When i woke up the next morning, I packed my things up, tidied up the room, and left to go to my friend's house and wish him well, and thank him for everything him & his wife had done for me while I was there visiting them. We said out goodbyes, was happy to meet each other for the first time, took a picture of us together, and away I went to drive myself all the way back home, again...
And that is pretty much my trip for the past couple of weeks, trying to find love, get a job, and start over, so that I could get to see my son again, because his mother feels only two hours a week is all I am allowed to see him now, but that's not court ordered. Didn't find a job, don't know for sure about love, and I AM starting over, but back to square one, which is pretty much the same as before I left. If I have anything else to say or write, I'll make sure to do that when the mood strikes me.
I went on a LONG journey, to find love, find purpose, a JOB, and in the end, myself. Still haven't found any of those... My trip started with this woman I had met online, on FaceBook. I had known her for about a year or so, and we had been poking each other back and forth on occasion, until I finally decided to send her a message, and see if she wanted get to know each other. We started chatting online for a while, then we exchanged phone numbers, and after her and I talked for a while, we found that we had a lot of the same interests, and were both attracted to each other. SO, her & I decided that maybe we should meet up, and if things worked out, I might possibly stay with her in her state. She lived only about 3-4 hours away, so it wasn't too difficult to meet her, at least once. We had planned on me getting up there, finding a job, and getting all kinds of help that I needed for many different things. After I arrived up there, red flags kept popping up all over the place, like her telling me about something she had done for revenge to her ex-husband, before they went for the divorce... I am kinda glad I didn't stay up there long enough for her to do anything to me...
After a few days of me being up there with her, an ex-girlfriend of mine, one that has had my heart for a very long time, who I had blocked from all my accounts on FB so that I could TRY to get over her, posted a message on the main feed, and I had a ton of messages from people I knew well & others I had never heard from before, telling me that she was trying desperately to reach me. All this, while I am up there with my new girlfriend. No, my ex had not left my mind, I thought about her every day, even when I received the message concerning her trying to reach me, while I was with my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend. I sorry, but if I am with someone, and I have someone else on my mind as much as I did my ex, I just can't be true to the relationship. It's not fair to the new girlfriend.
When I unblocked my ex from my accounts, and sent her a message asking her what was going on, she told me she missed me, she loved me, and she wanted to be with me. COME ON!!! How am I SUPPOSED to handle that?!?! I mean, this ex, she was one that I TRULY FELT that her and I would be together FOREVER. you don't get that feeling with just anyone, you know. What did I do? I told my ex, that I loved her and missed her as well, and always thought about her. Then I told my current girlfriend that I couldn't be with her, because someone else still has my heart, meaning I couldn't be true to her... She didn't like that decision AT ALL. Instead of letting us sleep, she wanted me OUT before the next morning. So, I had a friend of mine send me some money, I packed my things up, and I took off to head back home, and repack my things for a trip to another state. Mind you, before I had left the current girlfriend's place, I had asked the ex if this is something she TRULY wanted, and she replied YES. Even when I made it home, and called her to let her know I was on my way up there to be with her, I asked her again, if she was SURE she was ready for this; no more games, no more lies, no more running into the arms of some other dude on FB whenever we had an argument. She said yes. I begged her to PLEASE not break my heart again. I just couldn't take that again. She had crushed my heart before, and I just couldn't bear to have it destroyed yet again. After she told me she loved me and wanted to be with me, by phone, so I heard it in her voice, I packed up all I could fit in my truck, and started driving to her state. I begged, borrowed, and pleaded with SO many people to get up there to be with her, it was unreal. I drove for hours on end to get to her, so I could see her again, feel her close to me, hold her hands, and hug her tightly. all of this, was everything I had ever dreamed about, and it SEEMED at the time, to be coming true...
When I finally arrived at my ex's place, after driving hundreds of miles to get there, with only about three hours of sleep over 48 hours, we hugged each other so tightly, and I whispered into her ear, PLEASE don't let me go again. I dropped EVERYTHING in my life, to be with her, to help her, to support her in any way possible... But that didn't exactly turn out the way I had hoped, either...
The next day after I had arrived, my ex-now gf receives a visit from a county employee for a mandated visit to the premises. Things didn't go well with that visit. Now, my gf-again begins to freak out, because of something she was told in this visit, that cold have a major impact on her life up there. I agree, it IS a really bad situation, but do you push the one that went there to BE supportive of you and do everything they can for you away?? She did. Very hard as well... She told me she loved me, but her actions were speaking WAY louder than what she was saying, and what she was doing was the complete opposite of what she was telling me when she said she loved me. I didn't know what to do, was afraid to say anything, because anything I said was shot down before it even left my lips... so I shut down, and was just there, trying to help out when I could, if she asked. I offered my help often, and tried to do many things without asking, but she didn't want me to do anything, but find a way back home. I tried to raise funds, with no luck, so she had to raise the funds on her own, to get me home.
She raised the money to get me home, and I packed my things up, we said our goodbyes, and I left before the two oldest children returned home. On my way out of her state, I was passing thru another state that I knew a good friend of mine was living in, and I messaged him to let him know I was in his state, and wondered if he wanted to meet up, seeing as how I was passing thru anyway, I didn't see any harm in it. Besides, there was a chance of me landing a job when I got there.
When I arrived in his little village, I was so in love with it, I wished a job was there for me when I got there, It was PERFECT!! Small, quiet, surrounded by mountains, great friends there. I had a room waiting for me when I arrived in this little village, and I set my things up in my room, took a shower, went downstairs to the bar and ordered a FINE meal, and just enjoyed the atmosphere there. I loved it so much, I DO wish I could go back there. after my friend & I met up later that night, and drank ourselves silly & whooped the tar out of each other playing pool, he staggered home and passed out, while I went up to my room, jumped online to check a few things, and passed out myself. When i woke up the next morning, I packed my things up, tidied up the room, and left to go to my friend's house and wish him well, and thank him for everything him & his wife had done for me while I was there visiting them. We said out goodbyes, was happy to meet each other for the first time, took a picture of us together, and away I went to drive myself all the way back home, again...
And that is pretty much my trip for the past couple of weeks, trying to find love, get a job, and start over, so that I could get to see my son again, because his mother feels only two hours a week is all I am allowed to see him now, but that's not court ordered. Didn't find a job, don't know for sure about love, and I AM starting over, but back to square one, which is pretty much the same as before I left. If I have anything else to say or write, I'll make sure to do that when the mood strikes me.
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